I’ve tried affirmations. The mirror pep talks, the sticky notes, the repeating of “I am enough” over and over again. And while I love the intention behind them, they never really worked for me in the moment.
What actually helps is something I’ve started calling a “real-time reframe.”
Instead of trying to convince myself of a statement I don’t believe yet, I focus on shifting the thought I’m having right now.
It’s less about repeating mantras and more about noticing where my brain is going, interrupting the spiral, and choosing a thought that feels a little more helpful.
This is what I come back to when I’m anxious before a launch, overthinking a message I sent, or convincing myself I’m behind.
It helps me shift how I feel in just a few minutes instead of letting one spirally thought ruin my entire day.
Listen to the episode:
Here’s the process I follow when I’m trying to get out of my head and back into something that feels steady again.
When my brain starts spinning with worst-case scenarios or self-doubt, I pause and ask myself if there’s any truth to the fear.
Not in a harsh way, but with curiosity. Has this actually gone badly before? If so, is there a reason that made sense at the time? Was I under-resourced or trying to do too much?
Sometimes there’s something real underneath the fear, and that gives me a chance to explore it with more clarity.
But other times, I realize I’ve done something similar before and it actually worked out. Maybe not perfectly, but enough to remind me that I’ve figured things out in the past and I can do it again.
That simple act of looking back brings context. It makes the fear feel less loud and the current moment feel less dramatic.
It’s so easy to take a single hard moment and turn it into a story about ourselves.
One awkward call and suddenly I think I’m bad at communicating. One slow post and I start believing nothing I make will ever land again.
This step is about reminding myself that it’s not me. It’s a moment. A situation. A blip. I try to step outside of the emotion and see it with a little distance. Sometimes I literally say to myself, “This is just data,” or “This is not a reflection of who I am.”
It helps me stop internalizing every experience and start seeing it more objectively. The result? I stop spiraling and start breathing again.
My brain has a handful of greatest hits that like to show up in stressful moments. Things like, “It’s too late,” “I should be further along,” or “I’m not good enough.”
They’re sneaky and familiar, and they usually show up when I’m tired or doing something that feels vulnerable.
When I notice one, I name it. I say, “Ah, this is the ‘you’re behind’ thought again.” That small act of labeling helps me separate from it. I stop believing it’s true and start seeing it as a recurring pattern.
From there, I choose a thought that’s still honest but more supportive. Not fake-positive, just grounded. Something like, “I’m still figuring it out,” or “This is allowed to take time.”
The goal isn’t to instantly feel amazing. It’s to feel a little more anchored. And it works.
Because it actually shifts how I feel in the moment. Instead of getting stuck in a loop of overthinking or trying to force positivity, I’m meeting myself exactly where I am and gently choosing a better thought.
This process has made such a difference in how I show up daily. It doesn’t erase doubt, but it helps me move through it with more ease and a whole lot more self-trust.
If you’ve tried affirmations and they’ve never landed, maybe this will.
What actually helps is something I’ve started calling a “real-time reframe.”
Instead of trying to convince myself of a statement I don’t believe yet, I focus on shifting the thought I’m having right now.
It’s less about repeating mantras and more about noticing where my brain is going, interrupting the spiral, and choosing a thought that feels a little more helpful.
This is what I come back to when I’m anxious before a launch, overthinking a message I sent, or convincing myself I’m behind.
It helps me shift how I feel in just a few minutes instead of letting one spirally thought ruin my entire day.
Listen to the episode:
Here’s the process I follow when I’m trying to get out of my head and back into something that feels steady again.
Look Back Before You Spiral Forward
When my brain starts spinning with worst-case scenarios or self-doubt, I pause and ask myself if there’s any truth to the fear.
Not in a harsh way, but with curiosity. Has this actually gone badly before? If so, is there a reason that made sense at the time? Was I under-resourced or trying to do too much?
Sometimes there’s something real underneath the fear, and that gives me a chance to explore it with more clarity.
But other times, I realize I’ve done something similar before and it actually worked out. Maybe not perfectly, but enough to remind me that I’ve figured things out in the past and I can do it again.
That simple act of looking back brings context. It makes the fear feel less loud and the current moment feel less dramatic.
Detach from the Doom
It’s so easy to take a single hard moment and turn it into a story about ourselves.
One awkward call and suddenly I think I’m bad at communicating. One slow post and I start believing nothing I make will ever land again.
This step is about reminding myself that it’s not me. It’s a moment. A situation. A blip. I try to step outside of the emotion and see it with a little distance. Sometimes I literally say to myself, “This is just data,” or “This is not a reflection of who I am.”
It helps me stop internalizing every experience and start seeing it more objectively. The result? I stop spiraling and start breathing again.
Label the Lie and Choose a Kinder Thought
My brain has a handful of greatest hits that like to show up in stressful moments. Things like, “It’s too late,” “I should be further along,” or “I’m not good enough.”
They’re sneaky and familiar, and they usually show up when I’m tired or doing something that feels vulnerable.
When I notice one, I name it. I say, “Ah, this is the ‘you’re behind’ thought again.” That small act of labeling helps me separate from it. I stop believing it’s true and start seeing it as a recurring pattern.
From there, I choose a thought that’s still honest but more supportive. Not fake-positive, just grounded. Something like, “I’m still figuring it out,” or “This is allowed to take time.”
The goal isn’t to instantly feel amazing. It’s to feel a little more anchored. And it works.
Why I Do This Instead of Affirmations
Because it actually shifts how I feel in the moment. Instead of getting stuck in a loop of overthinking or trying to force positivity, I’m meeting myself exactly where I am and gently choosing a better thought.
This process has made such a difference in how I show up daily. It doesn’t erase doubt, but it helps me move through it with more ease and a whole lot more self-trust.
If you’ve tried affirmations and they’ve never landed, maybe this will.